So I’ve mentioned that I’m spastic – I really am. My mother denies dropping me on my head but I’m not so sure 🙂 I have Cerebral Palsy Spastic Diplegia – quite a mouthful I say so it’s usually just referred to as “CP” – keep it simple stupid.
CP, it leaves me swaying from side to side. You see, the muscles in my legs are overly attached to each other – their fibers embrace each other in a loving but stiff and slightly painful manner. Their love for each other makes moving a tad difficult as when a muscle is to perform its function – the other muscles freak out a little and join in on contracting – pulling closes together – making me a spazz. Can’t say I don’t have swag though.
I’ll probably write about this more but the point of this post is to, well it’s to amuse myself and you too hopefully, whilst encouraging you to get off of your arse. Why? Because it’s good for you and because i can almost guarantee you that you take your legs for granted. Yes, them legs. They are extremely moving things I say. Mine don’t work so well but they do work and for that, I am extremely grateful for.
I remember a teacher of mine doing a presentation when I was in Grade 7 -it was on gratitude and he ended it off by showing a black and white picture of an elderly man sitting in a wheel chair, both legs amputated, yet he had a smile that somehow transferred itself onto all the faces viewing it, completely mesmerized. He then quoted, “I complain about my shoes, but today I saw a man with no feet.” – That has stuck deep within me. That smile, the empty space his legs should have been and the realization that although my feet are fugly and they trip me up – literally! I have them.
So, to get to the point. There exists these little groups of people, who on a Saturday at 8am, they go for a 5km walk, jog or run. Tis called Park Run and it’s a pretty great initiative.
I’ve been wanting to do a 5km walk for about a year now – I did 3km on the treadmill at gym once but never more than that. Well, yesterday I – with the help of my amazing sister- walked 5.5km. Whoop whoop! Not too bad for a spazz.
Funny thing is, it took me so bloody long, all the marshals had left when i got to the finish point. I didn’t get to scan my bar-code and earn some Discovery (medical aid) points. But i did it. I walked 5km!
What’s stopping you?
I wrote this a while back. I’m a firm believer in speaking your heart – say what you have to say. The words burn – longing to come out but we so often deny them. We’re so scared that we’ll be rejected – that we’ll make fools out of ourselves. So we just march on…rusting. Dying.
If you think someone is amazing – tell them. If you love someone, let them know. The words our hearts’ want uttered but our minds hold back – in captivity, they will hurt. The tears that build – let them out, please let them go. Although fluid in your eyes, they turn to iron if not released.
Don’t be killed by the unspoken – release your words.
At Electric Lit, Elizabeth Scanlon shares a trio of poems on this modern life. “Don’t die on the subway platform or you’ll be cursed / by thousands for fucking up their commute / before they even scrape you up. / Oh the eight thousand inconveniences.”
No one tells you
No one explains that for the heart to beat
it must be broken
It cannot be whole
it also cannot be shattered
It needs to be sweetly broken
– just right
Enough to move
Enough to contain
– just enough
Only then are we truly alive
Only then do we truly feel
I’d rather feel pain than nothing
Break me sweetly
And listen O
to the beat of my heart
I am sweetly broken
First posting I say…truth be told I don’t know what I’m doing, but here goes. I am a people-loving introvert, clumsy, spastic and a bit of a Nutter. I love writing – painting pictures with words and such – not sure I’m much good at it but I enjoy it 🙂 Hope you do too…
I wish to write the words that rest within my heart
To speak that which I feel
And to feel that which I speak
My words as darts
Hitting your drum, drenching your soul
I wish to close your lids but open your eyes
Sing you a lullaby
Put to death your unrest
Awaken your imagination
As wolves howl to the moon
You do shine
All that I suggest
Love like you’re about to die
And die knowing that you loved
and were loved in return
Listen with your heart
Ps: Paradoxes and somethings that don’t make sense will be found here – this is life. ❤